How My Clingy Child Learned to Play Independently (And What Actually Helped)

Published on January 19, 2026 at 9:36 PM

My son has always been a clingy child. He has always wanted me -or his father - around for everything. (Parents, I know you can relate!) I never thought it was possible for him to play by himself, let alone without my involvement.

As a counsellor and parent coach, I was aware of one truth: Kids are wired to play. They’re the real experts of play. All we, as parents, need to do is create a conducive environment for it to happen. But as a first-time mom, I was honestly clueless about how to make that happen!

But guess what? My son started playing independently for just a few minutes at around 12 months. By 26 months, he could play independently for about 20 minutes. And now, at 4 years, he can play independently for an hour or more.

What Helped Us (And Might Help You)

1. Have age-appropriate expectations
A one-year-old can only play independently for a few minutes and that’s completely okay. Older children naturally have a higher capacity. Remember: any amount of independent play is good practice. Stay flexible with your expectations. Move at your child's pace.

2. Independent play doesn’t mean “alone in another room”
Independent play is not just about the child playing alone, purely by themselves. Even when your child is engaged in play while you’re around - that is independent play! Sometimes the security of just seeing parents around can help the child feel more secure to play by themselves.

This is especially true for younger kids, who need that sense of safety and presence. Co-dependence actually fosters independence!

3. Lead with connection
Start the day or any playtime with a few minutes of intentional connection. No pones, no interruptions, no correcting. Just playing with full attention, without expectations. When children feel secure and seen, they naturally feel safer moving into independent play and often play longer too.

4. Don’t disturb focused play
As Maria Montessori says : “Once a child is focused in play, forget that they exist” Avoid praising, narrating, correcting, or intervening. These are precious moments where they’re strengthening their independent play skills. Our intervention breaks their focus. Avoid interrupting unless there is a risk to their safety.

5. Choose open-ended, age-appropriate toys
More toys do not mean more play and I can’t emphasise this enough. A few well-chosen, developmentally supportive toys are more than enough. Children will do the rest! (They are the experts, remember?)